But...I Don't Have Confidence

November 25, 2018



I was asked the other day, “How do I get confidence?"  Honestly, I didn’t really know how to answer because I have grown-up my entire life feeling pretty confident.... or at least building confidence before I even knew what confidence was.


At the age of around 5, my parents had me attending basketball clinics and camps, as well as in the gym on a regular basis perfecting my basketball game. When I finally hit the court in “real” games, it was pretty apparent that I was one of the better players on the court—I was not “the” best but I would classify myself as TOP 3, at the time, on the co-ed basketball team that I was playing on in the BOYS & GIRLS CLUB basketball league. Little did I know that sports would be “one” of the reasons why I had the feeling of assurance in myself, because all it takes is that one “Good job!” or “You did great!” to totally synapse your brain into thinking you are a good human, but let’s back-up a bit to FIRST GRADE. Well wait…let’s back-up to PRE-K! Pre-K was a time that I absolutely DID NOT LIKE! It was the 80s; I was a little, black girl in an all-white school; and when I say that the teachers were mean to me, I am not exaggerating nor am I looking for sympathy but let’s face it, people…. kids are not dumb and they do know when they are disliked. I won’t get into the details but let’s just say that I would cry when my parents would drop me off because I did not want to stay there, and I also begged and begged and begged to go to kindergarten! The only thing that I looked forward to was when this van would pick me up (sounds kind of creepy lol), take me to the downtown Joplin YMCA, and there I would take these modeling classes that my mom signed me up for. When I was in those classes, I felt free, and un-stressed unlike when at pre-school where the teachers tried to hold me back, but back to the begging—I pleaded with my dad so much that he finally set-it-up to where I could test into kindergarten a year early. I honestly don’t remember being in love with the “kindergarten life” either but I did feel safer knowing that my siblings where nearby in the building. Fast forward to first grade—this was the first year that computers came to life, and I can remember working on a program and it just made no sense to me. No sense to the point of crying, and okay…I know, I know, I KNOW….I know I sound like I am huge crybaby but this type of emotion is what has carried me through life. The type of emotion where you just have to know, you just have to learn, you just have to understand, and you will not be happy with yourself until you GET IT! That experience was the first taste of it for me, and I am still like that to this day. I will spend 8 hours trying to figure something out on my own before I call a computer tech to assist me, for example! My HUBestie is known to say, “Just call the 800 number already! Oh my gosh!” This all said, between my desire to never settle, and my parents perfectly aligning me with the opportunities to spread my wings, I have naturally built confidence along the way but let’s not get it twisted! There have been times when I felt ugly, or under-dressed, or poor, or not like the smartest person in the room or like my friends and family didn’t appreciate me…..but….. remember me telling you that I am not one to settle? So when I had/have those types of feelings, I found/find ways to better myself! Notice the past and present tense? That means...CONFIDENCE BUILDING is an ongoing process! But in any regard.....I pick-up a book or a good verse or a motivational video or I look online for ways to improve my look because yes, beauty is only skin-deep but when you look your best, you feel your best, and guess what…I get it! I get that some of this you cannot relate to! Heck…you may not be able to relate to any of it, but God has gifted us with special talents and abilities, and even though your family, or society, has yet to nurture your  (emphasis on "your") gifts, you don’t need either to get started honestly. All you need is the understanding that you will do great things if you want those great things in your life!


So, start with positive self-talk! When is the last time you said something nice about yourself? How many times a day do you put yourself down? Are you a complainer when the wind blows a little too hard or doesn't blow in the right direction? How many times have you failed to try in fear of failing? How many times have you believed something that a bully has said? Let me tell you something about bullies—bullies play themselves off as these confident individuals when in actuality, they are weaker than the people that they pick-on. They are usually going through something demanding mentally, physically and spiritually, and they naturally go to a place of weakness, because it's easier than facing the problem head-on, by abusing others because it gives them a short bout of comfort and peace in their inner hell. Or…they really don’t have that great of a personality, so the only way that they can get people to pay attention to them, is to pick on others. Or…they are jealous and realize that they can’t be like you, so they try to downgrade you into something you’re not because they’re not like you when in reality, everyone has talents waiting to be un-boxed . It’s a pretty pathetic cycle, and until you stand-up for yourself, it will continue. So I have a challenge for you—my challenge is that you get a notebook, and write down 5 goals, and stop right there…I don’t want to find out that you don’t have goals, because yes...you do have dreams! Everyone on this planet has dreams so write them down no matter how silly they may seem, because those dreams can become a reality!


Next….I want you to do some research to find out what it would take to reach those dreams! Lastly…I want you to comment down below and tell me what at least one dream is and how you can start working towards it. If you don’t know of an "action plan", that is just fine because I want to be a source of guidance for you, so merely comment with your goal and be honest if you are unsure of the next step but do the research first. This all said.... I want to be apart of your journey, and I want to watch you sparkle, and I promise you….if you take this assignment seriously, it will open many doors for you including the “confidence door”. Mind you…I am a real person with real feelings, and a real heart to see others succeed, however, I don’t accommodate the I CAN’T mentality because yes, you can! You can literally do anything in this life that you set your mind to, however, sometimes it takes someone pushing you behind the scenes for you to realize that. Kind of like the modeling classes and all of those basketball games, thanks to my parents, that I experienced and played many years ago that I can remember like yesterday.


So here’s to a "powerhouse" chapter in your life. A chapter written by you, starring you, and it is going to end-up being an all-around amazing story, but you have to start writing it—like yesterday!


Carpe Diem, 

Coach Kris @powerhouservtour















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